Out of 10, how often do you say yes, if 0 is “never” and 10 is “always”?

I’m an 11. I love saying yes.

Saying yes, even when I’m not 100% sure it’s the right decision. Even when I can’t in the moment figure out how I’ll mould everything else I’ve said yes to around the new yes I am about to utter.

I can list off the many, many personal and professional wins I’ve had from saying yes instinctively before I’ve done the due diligence. Meeting my wife, moving to New York, appearing on TV, writing a book… working the brilliant variety of people I wouldn’t have otherwise.

I don’t regret a single yes. Even the ones that didn’t turn out well and proved a waste of time and effort. That’s collateral damage. Like a risk tax. And I’m happy to stump up.

But I’m not 23 anymore, an age where it didn’t matter if I wasted a year or two on something that’s a 50/50 bet. I don’t have the time to burn that I used to. Just nobody’s told my FOMO that.

I have a friend who rose to fame in the 1990s directing videos for Britpop stars. He won a Brit Award one year, that’s how good he was. Even then, though, he was always anxious about the next opportunity. Convinced his mojo had faded, sure the last video was just that: the last one he would be asked to do.

Thirty years on he is still being asked to direct things: fewer promo videos, but lots of ads and episodes of big streaming series. He’s never been busier and still always thinks it’ll end tomorrow. So like me, he never, ever, says no.

How to change the habit of a lifetime? It’s difficult.

I was approached last week with a prestigious offer. It ticked all my boxes:

1. something I’ve never done before
2. in a role with great influence to bring change
3. opening new doors in a growing sector
4. with the potential to transform some people’s lives
5. for an organisation I would be proud to be associated with

There’s very little not to like about it. I’m already sold emotionally, so I need to give myself some distance, and objectivity. How?

I know what my video director friend would say, so I spoke to a couple of other smart advisors. One gave me a framework, the other told me a story. I’ll repeat them here in case you’re in a similar position, now or in the future.

The framework? My friend Chris said this:

“Imagine in 10 years, I am giving a speech introducing you at an event. What will be the major themes / achievements of the last decade?”

This is a useful way of framing it. Your ability to leave a useful legacy depends on many things, but time and focus are two of them.

Another friend, Tom, told me a story about Warren Buffett.

Buffett once said: “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

It was a conversation Buffett was having with his pilot, later NetJets CEO, Mike Flint. Buffett asked him to list his career goals. Flint wrote 25 of them, in order, priorities at the top.

Buffett told him he’d got it all wrong. “The top five are your focus,” he said. “The other 20 are your avoid-at-all-costs list.”

His logic was that the middle-ranking priorities are dangerous because they feel important enough to consume time, but not important enough to transform your life.

Buffett was talking about opportunity cost. Most people think success comes from choosing the right opportunities. But Buffett’s argument is that success often comes from rejecting hundreds of perfectly reasonable opportunities so that just the handful of exceptional ones can receive your full attention.

Like many senior leaders I’ve spent my life becoming better at spotting opportunities, but have never worked on becoming good at eliminating them.

So, that new opportunity? I’m constructively exploring it. Keeping an open mind.

And in the meantime if you have a handy framework or mindset you would recommend, please let me know. I am all ears.